Peer Edit Narratves

J. Perkins
1. There could be more detail provided in the intro to the story, and about the background of a college application process.
2. Their could be more use of non-high school student resources to broaden the playing feild of sources. The intro is slightly involving but coud use work.
3. There is a somewhat detailed scene about him getting into college but it is vague and could be much more information filled.
4. In the next 300 words I think that more background about the subject in general would be nice, along with some slightly more legitimate sources on the topic rahter than just seniors in high school.

P. Bryan
1. The intro does a good job of setting up the story but could be more attention grabbing and wholesome.
2.There is a good variety of sources provided already in the story, and idea for a third could be something like a professional long distance runner who ran in college. the lead is good but could be much more involving to the reader.
3. There is not really a strong scene depicted, one that might work is someone running and completing a marathon, and overcoming obstacles along the way.
4. The only thing that I can think of that this could use more of in the next 300 words is a stronger narrratve line or story that is depicted happening in the story.

K. Baldwin
1. There is not really a specific area that needs work at all, well written intro. and first paragraphs to the story. Good amounts of numbers and factual information
2. As far as sources go, bigger variety in age and ocupation would be nice. The intro is involving and easily related to.
3. There is not a specific scene depicted, it is more about teens and ipods in general, a possible scene to put in there could potentially be someone using their ipod for a specific unique reason, or someone who has an ipod that you would never expect to own one.
4. In the next 300 words all that really needs to be said is one more quote, and more of what is already written. Its generally a good piece of writing