1. Is there a clear point of view? (position)
Yes, the POV is clearly stated many tmes. And even in many ways and on many points
2. Does the Op-Ed state the problem and solution simply?
Yes both are stated. But not simply, its rather complex for an opinionated writing piece.
3. Does the piece address the counter arguments?
Yes it does, and demolishes them. Shows why the counter arguement is truely not one at all
4. Is the Op-Ed interesting?
Yes it is. What is not interesting about hate crimes?
5. Are the paragraphs organized logically?
yes, each starts with 1st 2nd and 3rd and have logical points in an orderly fashion
6. Does each paragraph develop an idea to support the thesis?
Somewhat. They also go on tangents about other things but its all for the greater good of the editorial.
7. Is the writing clear?
Yes. clear. to the point.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Editorial( Final Draft)
Stem cell research is considered to be an abomination of the human race by some, but to most who know what the deal really is it is potentially one of the most medically ground breaking thing’s that has happened in decades. Stem cell research is so controversial because of the fact that it is technically harvesting a human embryo, and therefore it is assumed by many to be taking a human life. What most don’t know is that stem cells that are harvested from women when not fertilized, and if they have been they are taken and used before the development of a major thought process ie: feelings. Having a major brain malformation myself, I think that stem cell research is one of the best hopes for a complete recovery that not only I but thousands more like me can say they have ever had.
To give you an idea about where i am coming from with stem cell research and my situation, I have a disorder that is called Arnold Chiari malformation of the brain stem. This occurs when the back part of my cerebellar tonsils droop down into where my brain and spine meet, reducing spinal flow from the spine to the brain. Resulting from this are a vast array of symptoms that include heavy nausea, migraine headaches, and many others that complicate daily life. I am going under the knife on the 27th of this month to have a piece of skull removed to evaporate the constriction of flow of spinal fluid. However being that the most ground breaking areas thus far in embryonic stem cell research are the neck and spinal chord, it was not only expected but told directly to me this was more likely than not avoidable if use of these stem cells was given a full shot 8 years ago when proposed under the Bush administration. This one case, and the fact that all arguments against the use of these stem cells is based off of mere opinion that can be proven completely illogical shows you why there are so many more positives than negatives to the use of stem cells.
The fact that stem cells can differentiate into any type of cell, they offer promise in the development of medical treatments for a wide range of conditions. Treatments that have been proposed include treatment for physical trauma, degenerative conditions, and genetic diseases. Further treatments using stem cells could potentially be developed thanks to their ability to repair extensive tissue damage, and potentially fight against things such as degenerative diseases such as Parkinson’s disease. These facts enough should be enough for all of society to accept stem cell research for what it is, and use it to better the human race and society as we know it. However it seems there always has to be a counter-revolutionary group of people that has to fight for what they think is “right.” The Klu Klux Klansmen of the earlier times in America also thought what they were doing was right, however their thought process was extremely flawed. This is what I believe anyone who turns down stem cell research to be, either mis-lead by someone or something, or just plain old ignorant. Either way stem cell research is growing in strength with the 2009 election of barack O’bama, and there is expected to be many more medicinal breakthroughs in that area over the next decade. So me, and many others like me with spinal and brain disorders, will be able to take the dreams we once had to be completely normal and make them reality. With this new form of medicine that does what was before thought to be impossible we will advance the medical field to where it has never been. All we need to do is dismiss the false propoganda, and consider the facts. Stem cell research is a god send, and with Obama bringing it back we will see dramatic changes in years to come.
To give you an idea about where i am coming from with stem cell research and my situation, I have a disorder that is called Arnold Chiari malformation of the brain stem. This occurs when the back part of my cerebellar tonsils droop down into where my brain and spine meet, reducing spinal flow from the spine to the brain. Resulting from this are a vast array of symptoms that include heavy nausea, migraine headaches, and many others that complicate daily life. I am going under the knife on the 27th of this month to have a piece of skull removed to evaporate the constriction of flow of spinal fluid. However being that the most ground breaking areas thus far in embryonic stem cell research are the neck and spinal chord, it was not only expected but told directly to me this was more likely than not avoidable if use of these stem cells was given a full shot 8 years ago when proposed under the Bush administration. This one case, and the fact that all arguments against the use of these stem cells is based off of mere opinion that can be proven completely illogical shows you why there are so many more positives than negatives to the use of stem cells.
The fact that stem cells can differentiate into any type of cell, they offer promise in the development of medical treatments for a wide range of conditions. Treatments that have been proposed include treatment for physical trauma, degenerative conditions, and genetic diseases. Further treatments using stem cells could potentially be developed thanks to their ability to repair extensive tissue damage, and potentially fight against things such as degenerative diseases such as Parkinson’s disease. These facts enough should be enough for all of society to accept stem cell research for what it is, and use it to better the human race and society as we know it. However it seems there always has to be a counter-revolutionary group of people that has to fight for what they think is “right.” The Klu Klux Klansmen of the earlier times in America also thought what they were doing was right, however their thought process was extremely flawed. This is what I believe anyone who turns down stem cell research to be, either mis-lead by someone or something, or just plain old ignorant. Either way stem cell research is growing in strength with the 2009 election of barack O’bama, and there is expected to be many more medicinal breakthroughs in that area over the next decade. So me, and many others like me with spinal and brain disorders, will be able to take the dreams we once had to be completely normal and make them reality. With this new form of medicine that does what was before thought to be impossible we will advance the medical field to where it has never been. All we need to do is dismiss the false propoganda, and consider the facts. Stem cell research is a god send, and with Obama bringing it back we will see dramatic changes in years to come.
Monday, March 16, 2009
750 Narrative
Lets be real here, going to college is one of the most worry filled times any of us will ever know or experience. This transitional phase from high school has characteristics that are obviously coupled with this anxiety. Leaving what you call home, all of your friends, gaining new responsibilities, harder school work, and learning to manage time are all good examples of this. Lurking under these seemingly obvious obstacles that go along with heading off to a new world is something that is causing more problems than ever before not only for students, but for faculty, and college surrounding communities alike. The amount of college students binge drinking has been rising steadily since the 1970’s, and has recently spiked reaching new heights and causing a gaggle of new problems for everyone involved. The word Binge may sound blunt and nasty, but in all actuality it is only fitting. Binge drinking is accomplished very easily in fact, four drinks for a female and five for a male by definition is all it takes to be a binge drinker.
Those hit hardest by this pandemic of extreme consumption (illegally might I add) of alcoholic beverages is the student body. Today’s youth is being crippled, and burnt from both ends. Students all over the country are not only losing their perfect grade point averages because of their seemingly unwise choices, they’re criminal record and integrity are also ate stake. College freshmen Chris Van House dually noted “ first semester was bad…SO BAD.” What he was referring to was the ridiculously large amount of alcohol consumption that ensued at the notorious Minnesota party school Mankato state. “ it was a pleasant change when money supplies ran out on campus, and funding of the daily party scene diminished.” Chris went on to tell me about his experiences on campus that semester. As a result to his consumption Chris ended his first stretch of classes having dropped or failed 5 of them, and with his first minor under his belt. He was one of an astounding 127 that received minor consumption’s that evening just before the end of the first block. Department of Public Safety Commander Matt DuRose stated “I hope the bust will set the tone for the next semester, namely that my department will have a zero tolerance approach.”
Mankato is one of the better-known “party” schools in the mid-west, and alcohol consumption in the 2009 year has gone up substantially. However, their grades and innocence were not the only things on the line at this college. MNSU Mankato is also highly recognized as one of the most STI ridden colleges in the country, having large outbreaks of anything from herpes to syphilis. These diseases have been spread throughout campus time and time again from the sharing of multiple sexual partners. Said sharing of many partners is attributed to underage drinking, and binge drinking at parties on a large scale. This is in part to the fact that the drinking is done at large scale social gatherings, and alcohol tends to lead to the loss of inhibitions.
On yet another note, binge drinking in college does not only affect those who consume. Freshman at University of Minnesota Duluth Tim Casey says although he has been sober since entering college he too has been nit nard by the epidemic. While telling me about his experiences Tim went on to say“ I never knew being socially active there would be so hard without going out to drink… Even when I go to the parties around campus and stay sober, I still feel like an outcast.” This just goes to show that the kids who do binge drink in college emanate their negativity all over campus. To end these negative outcomes in college campuses all over the country many things are being proposed, and campus police are cracking down. Seemingly the most relevant to this issue however is whether or not lowering the drinking age to twenty-one is the right thing to do. The argument being that if students were pre-exposed to drinking before coming out to college, and it was not illegal students would have much less want to binge drink. If this was successful it would lead to less drinking overall on campus, and would draw students more toward the new work in classes they are not accustomed to, and away from the binge drinking they have already experienced and have their whole lives to experience if they so choose. In almost overwhelming confidence William D. Wade of University relation at UMD states “ Eliminate the drinking age, and in turn eliminate the majority of reasons students come to college and drink.” It seems like a great proposal to me indeed and there is only one way we will ever find out, too bad Mothers Against Drunk Driving will never allow that to happen.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Peer Edit Narratves
J. Perkins
1. There could be more detail provided in the intro to the story, and about the background of a college application process.
2. Their could be more use of non-high school student resources to broaden the playing feild of sources. The intro is slightly involving but coud use work.
3. There is a somewhat detailed scene about him getting into college but it is vague and could be much more information filled.
4. In the next 300 words I think that more background about the subject in general would be nice, along with some slightly more legitimate sources on the topic rahter than just seniors in high school.
P. Bryan
1. The intro does a good job of setting up the story but could be more attention grabbing and wholesome.
2.There is a good variety of sources provided already in the story, and idea for a third could be something like a professional long distance runner who ran in college. the lead is good but could be much more involving to the reader.
3. There is not really a strong scene depicted, one that might work is someone running and completing a marathon, and overcoming obstacles along the way.
4. The only thing that I can think of that this could use more of in the next 300 words is a stronger narrratve line or story that is depicted happening in the story.
K. Baldwin
1. There is not really a specific area that needs work at all, well written intro. and first paragraphs to the story. Good amounts of numbers and factual information
2. As far as sources go, bigger variety in age and ocupation would be nice. The intro is involving and easily related to.
3. There is not a specific scene depicted, it is more about teens and ipods in general, a possible scene to put in there could potentially be someone using their ipod for a specific unique reason, or someone who has an ipod that you would never expect to own one.
4. In the next 300 words all that really needs to be said is one more quote, and more of what is already written. Its generally a good piece of writing
1. There could be more detail provided in the intro to the story, and about the background of a college application process.
2. Their could be more use of non-high school student resources to broaden the playing feild of sources. The intro is slightly involving but coud use work.
3. There is a somewhat detailed scene about him getting into college but it is vague and could be much more information filled.
4. In the next 300 words I think that more background about the subject in general would be nice, along with some slightly more legitimate sources on the topic rahter than just seniors in high school.
P. Bryan
1. The intro does a good job of setting up the story but could be more attention grabbing and wholesome.
2.There is a good variety of sources provided already in the story, and idea for a third could be something like a professional long distance runner who ran in college. the lead is good but could be much more involving to the reader.
3. There is not really a strong scene depicted, one that might work is someone running and completing a marathon, and overcoming obstacles along the way.
4. The only thing that I can think of that this could use more of in the next 300 words is a stronger narrratve line or story that is depicted happening in the story.
K. Baldwin
1. There is not really a specific area that needs work at all, well written intro. and first paragraphs to the story. Good amounts of numbers and factual information
2. As far as sources go, bigger variety in age and ocupation would be nice. The intro is involving and easily related to.
3. There is not a specific scene depicted, it is more about teens and ipods in general, a possible scene to put in there could potentially be someone using their ipod for a specific unique reason, or someone who has an ipod that you would never expect to own one.
4. In the next 300 words all that really needs to be said is one more quote, and more of what is already written. Its generally a good piece of writing
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
450
Lets be real here, going to college is one of the most worry filled times any of us will ever know or experience. This transitional phase from high school has characteristics that are obviously coupled with this anxiety. Leaving what you call home, all of your friends, gaining new responsibilities, harder school work, and learning to manage time are all good examples of this. Lurking under these seemingly obvious obstacles that go along with heading off to a new world is something that is causing more problems than ever before not only for students, but for faculty, and college surrounding communities alike. The amount of college students binge drinking has been rising steadily since the 1970’s, and has recently spiked reaching new heights and causing a gaggle of new problems for everyone involved. The word Binge may sound blunt and nasty, but in all actuality it is only fitting. Binge drinking is accomplished very easily in fact, four drinks for a female and five for a male by definition is all it takes to be a binge drinker.
Those hit hardest by this pandemic of extreme consumption (illegally might I add) of alcoholic beverages is the student body. Today’s youth is being crippled, and burnt from both ends. Students all over the country are not only losing their perfect grade point averages because of their seemingly unwise choices, they’re criminal record and integrity are also ate stake. College freshmen Chris Van House dually noted “ first semester was bad…SO BAD.” What he was referring to was the ridiculously large amount of alcohol consumption that ensued at the notorious Minnesota party school Mankato state. “ it was a pleasant change when money supplies ran out on campus, and funding of the daily party scene diminished.” Chris went on to tell me about his experiences on campus that semester. As a result to his consumption Chris ended his first stretch of classes having dropped or failed 5 of them, and with his first minor under his belt. He was one of an astounding 127 that received minor consumption’s that evening just before the end of the first block. Department of Public Safety Commander Matt DuRose stated “I hope the bust will set the tone for the next semester, namely that my department will have a zero tolerance approach.”
Mankato is one of the more well known “party” schools in the mid-west, and alcohol consumption in the 2009 year has gone up substantially. However, their grades and innocence were not the only things on the line at this college. MNSU Mankato is also highly recognized as one of the most STI ridden colleges in the country, having large outbreaks of anything from herpes to syphilis. These diseases have been spread throughout campus time and time again from the sharing of multiple sexual partners. Said sharing of many partners is attributed to underage drinking, and binge drinking at parties on a large scale. Inhibitions
Those hit hardest by this pandemic of extreme consumption (illegally might I add) of alcoholic beverages is the student body. Today’s youth is being crippled, and burnt from both ends. Students all over the country are not only losing their perfect grade point averages because of their seemingly unwise choices, they’re criminal record and integrity are also ate stake. College freshmen Chris Van House dually noted “ first semester was bad…SO BAD.” What he was referring to was the ridiculously large amount of alcohol consumption that ensued at the notorious Minnesota party school Mankato state. “ it was a pleasant change when money supplies ran out on campus, and funding of the daily party scene diminished.” Chris went on to tell me about his experiences on campus that semester. As a result to his consumption Chris ended his first stretch of classes having dropped or failed 5 of them, and with his first minor under his belt. He was one of an astounding 127 that received minor consumption’s that evening just before the end of the first block. Department of Public Safety Commander Matt DuRose stated “I hope the bust will set the tone for the next semester, namely that my department will have a zero tolerance approach.”
Mankato is one of the more well known “party” schools in the mid-west, and alcohol consumption in the 2009 year has gone up substantially. However, their grades and innocence were not the only things on the line at this college. MNSU Mankato is also highly recognized as one of the most STI ridden colleges in the country, having large outbreaks of anything from herpes to syphilis. These diseases have been spread throughout campus time and time again from the sharing of multiple sexual partners. Said sharing of many partners is attributed to underage drinking, and binge drinking at parties on a large scale. Inhibitions
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Theme statement/ source
Theme Statement: A spike in the Consumption and binge drinking use of alcohol on college campus's are leading a drop in GPA's at colleges all over the country, and are leading some to question the drinking age of 21.
Sources:
1. Tim Casey ( College Student)
2. Sam Wright ( high school student)
3. Jim Baird( police officer)
4. Julie Endersbe ( councelor)
5. William D. Wade( University Relations)
Questions:
1.How bad is the so called binge drinking epidemic?
2. what would lowering the age to drink supposedly do?
3. How are university's cracking down on student drinking?
4.What exactly is binge drinking classified as?
5. How does drinking effect academic performance?
Sources:
1. Tim Casey ( College Student)
2. Sam Wright ( high school student)
3. Jim Baird( police officer)
4. Julie Endersbe ( councelor)
5. William D. Wade( University Relations)
Questions:
1.How bad is the so called binge drinking epidemic?
2. what would lowering the age to drink supposedly do?
3. How are university's cracking down on student drinking?
4.What exactly is binge drinking classified as?
5. How does drinking effect academic performance?
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Peer Edits ( Sam Sokoll & Jack Sullivan)
Peer Edit one
1. The first paragraph completely answered the five W's and a H very well, leaving no room to wonder really. None of them were answered in the next paragraph because they already were answered. It does go more specific later on and there is nothing really that i could ask for more to want to know about the subject. It could be improved in length
2. yes the did. the quote does not help answer any questions but is relative to what is happening. This section could be improved in length and could be made more relative to the story.
3. The story answers questions as they occur to the reader, and all of the important questions answered in the first section of hard news. As a reader, I want most want to know more about the specifics of the student and why she is significant. I think both student and teacher would answer the same.
4.No it really was not used in the story. I think it could very well be implemented in or around a quote, because someone could definitely be interviewed that has had to deal with it in one way before then in their life.
5. Vague attributions are present. think that they would be better if they actually had a name behind them not just "student" Attribution should be added here and in another quote, and the writer should express her own opinion at least once.
Peer Edit two
1-It could be improved in length as most of the others . The first paragraph completely answered the five W's and a H pretty well, leaving little unanswered. None of them were answered in the next paragraph because they already were answered for the most part. It does go more specific later on, much more specific. There is nothing really that i could ask for more to want to know about the subject.
2.Yes, the author provides a very direct quote in the second paragraph. The quote both answers more questions about the story and is very relative to everything.This section could be improved in length, and could definitely be added onto alot after the quote is said.
3. The author answers questions in sequential order basically in order of importance, getting all the hard facts first. all questions are answered, and as a reader I want to know more about the person quoted and possibly hear another from them.
4. Again no, it really was not used in the story much at all. I think it too could very well be implemented in or around this quote, because someone could definitely be interviewed that has had to deal with it in one way before then in their life. And that is the least complete part of this journal.
5. All information seems to be attributed, and the spelling and grammar seem to also be correct. More attributions should be added onto the end after the first quote, and at this time the author should also express himself a little more.
1. The first paragraph completely answered the five W's and a H very well, leaving no room to wonder really. None of them were answered in the next paragraph because they already were answered. It does go more specific later on and there is nothing really that i could ask for more to want to know about the subject. It could be improved in length
2. yes the did. the quote does not help answer any questions but is relative to what is happening. This section could be improved in length and could be made more relative to the story.
3. The story answers questions as they occur to the reader, and all of the important questions answered in the first section of hard news. As a reader, I want most want to know more about the specifics of the student and why she is significant. I think both student and teacher would answer the same.
4.No it really was not used in the story. I think it could very well be implemented in or around a quote, because someone could definitely be interviewed that has had to deal with it in one way before then in their life.
5. Vague attributions are present. think that they would be better if they actually had a name behind them not just "student" Attribution should be added here and in another quote, and the writer should express her own opinion at least once.
Peer Edit two
1-It could be improved in length as most of the others . The first paragraph completely answered the five W's and a H pretty well, leaving little unanswered. None of them were answered in the next paragraph because they already were answered for the most part. It does go more specific later on, much more specific. There is nothing really that i could ask for more to want to know about the subject.
2.Yes, the author provides a very direct quote in the second paragraph. The quote both answers more questions about the story and is very relative to everything.This section could be improved in length, and could definitely be added onto alot after the quote is said.
3. The author answers questions in sequential order basically in order of importance, getting all the hard facts first. all questions are answered, and as a reader I want to know more about the person quoted and possibly hear another from them.
4. Again no, it really was not used in the story much at all. I think it too could very well be implemented in or around this quote, because someone could definitely be interviewed that has had to deal with it in one way before then in their life. And that is the least complete part of this journal.
5. All information seems to be attributed, and the spelling and grammar seem to also be correct. More attributions should be added onto the end after the first quote, and at this time the author should also express himself a little more.
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